● When a child discloses, remain CALM.  Do not overreact.

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● Allow the child to describe what happened.  Ask direct, not leading or probing questions.  Don’t ask, “did Daddy touch you?” as this can be answered yes or no and can quickly halt the conversation.  Instead, ask “what happened to your private parts?” which requires a full answer.  Limit the number of people who talk to the child about the incident, to maintain clarity of events, should it go to court.

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● From an investigative standpoint it is VERY important that any adult who talks to children about abuse not give them any “adult” words for genitalia or what has happened to them (rape, sexual assault, penetration, etc.), or ask them leading questions.  This can not be stressed enough.  It is recommended that parents not ask any questions, but only listen if the child volunteers information.

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● If there is going to be a criminal investigation, the perpetrator should not be confronted until law enforcement has been made aware.  If the perpetrator is confronted by someone, they may pose a danger to the victim, hire an attorney, work to create an alibi, or harm themselves prior to law enforcement having an opportunity to conduct an investigation.  It is important that the investigative process go as smoothly as possible.

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● Believe the child.  Do not minimize their story.  Listen and do not fill in words.

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● Assure the child that it is right for them to tell and that he/she will be protected from the offender.  Protect their confidentiality.

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● Reassure the child that it IS NOT their fault and they are not bad.  Reinforce that the offender is responsible.  Do not burden the child with your anger or any negative feelings you may have.  At the same time, it’s important at this point not to be overly critical of the offender. Children are very protective of people they care about and they may care about the offender.

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● If the child asks you not to tell anyone, remind them that it is your job to help to keep them safe and you will do whatever you need to do for their safety.

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● Provide the child and family members with support and counseling.

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● Sometimes a child may recant the disclosure. They may try to “take it back” out of stress or fear, or pressure by someone. It’s important to know that less than 1% of sexual abuse cases reported by a child prove to be false.